The geopolitics of culture

It's time to take a quick break from all the trade wars and actual wars, and go back in time to pitch you a few quirky business ideas. But they all lean into culture, so bring your thick-rimmed glasses, turtle-neck, and beret, okay? As for the first pitch, we're taking you to...

1. 🇨🇳 China

Hear us out. We're now an obscure Hong Kong artist making ends meet with random freelance illustration gigs. We don't have any real background in collectibles, but we have this idea for a plush toy monster with oversized teeth and googly eyes, and we'll sell him in 'blind boxes' so folks never actually know what they're getting until they buy one.

Oh, right, okay, no problem. Not your thing?

Yikes, you just passed on Labubu, the global phenomenon that's just helped its Beijing toymaker Pop Mart become a $43B behemoth, now adorning the usual coterie of celebs, inspiring fans to go full early-2000s-iPhone-release by queueing up overnight, and even appearing in Singapore's election campaign. US revenues are up 900%+, profit margins are north of 70%, and Labubu stores are even popping up in France's Louvre Museum.

How'd it all explode like this? Apparently someone spotted a K-pop star rocking a Labubu key-chain last year, which takes us to...

2. 🇰🇷 Korea

Ok, now we're a niche rapper with (ahem) non-rockstar looks, and our past albums have sold maybe 100,000 each (dad is a music executive). But trust us, this next one will be yuuuuge. Yes, it'll still be in a language most of the world doesn't understand, and yes, it'll parody a postcode most of the world's never heard of. And yes, our music video will play out across parking lots, saunas, and an elevator pelvic thrust. But trust us, okay?

Oh, right. Not your thing either?

Well obviously PSY's Gangnam Style went wild 12 years ago, and shocked the local K-pop scene by racking up a few hundred thousand YouTube views in a day. Now? It's at 5.6 billion views, having scored mentions at the White House, Number 10, and even a UN endorsement as a "force for world peace".

Oh, and while single-handedly pushing Korea's services exports into surplus, this tune also spearheaded a new wave of global interest in Korea, and won fans everywhere including...

3. 🇳🇿 New Zealand

Okay, now we're an obscure Kiwi film director, and our biggest budget film so far was a horror that failed to recoup its costs. But trust us, this time will be different. For the low low price of (ahem) half a billion dollars, we will adapt to the big screen one of the 20th century's great texts, long considered impossible because of its sprawling narrative, intricate world-building, and vast live-action sequences.

Jeepers, right, okay. Still not your thing?

Well, this is getting awkward, because you've now passed on the Lord of the Rings trilogy, which ended up reaping $4.5B at the box office, doubling New Zealand's tourism numbers within a few years, and establishing the country as a place to (among other things) reconnect with nature and make good movies.

Okay, for the last pitch, let's jet back in time and over to the opposite side of the world in...

4. 🇫🇮 Finland

Now we're an unknown artist and writer, part of the local Swedish-speaking minority, and we've just spent a world war hunkering down and cooking up this idea for a children's series following fictional hippo-like creatures based loosely on a deliberately ugly caricature we did of German philosopher Immanuel Kant. Our whimsical adventures will blend cosy domesticity with existential themes like loneliness and freedom.

Seriously?! You’re gonna pass on this? Have you learned nothing?

The Moomins cultural phenomenon emerged from the ashes of WWII to now generate $1B+ a year across 60 languages, selling everything from home goods, to skateboards, plus even theme parks in Finland and now Japan, while putting Finland firmly on the map.

Dear Intriguer, you may now remove your beret.